Communication Checklist (Marriage)

Rate yourself and your spouse on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 is low, and 5 is high) for each of the following characteristics of biblical communication. Then come together and read the Scriptures for each of the points before you compare and discuss differences in the observations you have made.

1. Admits to being part of the problem rather than defending self or blaming — Genesis 3:18–19
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

2. Readily confesses sin and seeks reconciliation — Matthew 5:23–26
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

3. Constructively turns the conversation when the other is angry. Doesn't respond with emotionally charged words like, “You don't...”, “You always...”, or “You never...” — Proverbs 15:1
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

4. Takes responsibility for own emotions, words, actions, and reactions without blaming the other — James 1:13–15
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

5. Doesn't raise an old argument — Ephesians 4:26
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

6. Deals with one problem at a time before moving on to the next — Matthew 6:34
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

7. Tackles present problems and doesn’t dwell on past issues — Philippians 3:12–14
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

8. Does not say things in a way that makes the other feel badly, but speaks in a way that helps and gives hope for improvement — Ephesians 4:29
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

9. Does not assume negative motives but seeks to understand (e.g., considering a possible “tough day”) — Proverbs 20:6
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

10. Doesn't make conflict worse but speaks in a solution-oriented way — Ephesians 5:10
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

11. When criticizing, builds up by including appreciation for strengths — 2 Corinthians 1:24
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

12. When verbally attacked, does not react emotionally — Ephesians 4:31–32
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

13. Diffuses conflict through patient and kind words in a spirit of reconciliation — 1 Corinthians 13:4
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

14. Shares daily events, blessings, or concerns (as welcomed by the other) — Acts 20:20
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

15. Gains strength through daily time with God (prayer and Scripture) — Joshua 1:8–9
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

16. Speaks the truth and does not lie — Proverbs 12:19
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

17. Is not evasive but shares thoughts and concerns openly — Ephesians 4:25
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

18. Desires to pray together daily about shared concerns and praises — 1 Thessalonians 5:17
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

19. Speaks God’s Word into situations in a way that brings encouragement and hope — Isaiah 50:4; Proverbs 12:18, 25
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

20. Thinks carefully before speaking, especially in tense situations — Proverbs 15:28; 16:23; 29:20
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

21. Is willing to drop a matter when it leads to quarrel — Proverbs 17:14
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

22. Speaks with gratitude and contentment rather than complaining — 1 Thessalonians 5:18
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

23. Does not speak harshly to those under his/her authority — Proverbs 18:23
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

24. Does not speak when uninformed about a topic — Proverbs 20:15
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

25. Does not speak in a way that belittles others or betrays confidence — Proverbs 25:9; 11:13; 17:9; 18:8; 26:22
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

26. Rebukes others when needed without fear when a biblical issue is at stake — Proverbs 25:12; Romans 15:14
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

27. Speaks respectfully about and to those in authority — 1 Peter 2:13–14
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

28. Listens carefully and learns from rebuke or criticism — Proverbs 15:5; 18:13
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

29. Raises issues or disagreements without nagging or being contentious — Proverbs 25:24; 26:21
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________

30. Speaks publicly and privately with delight and appreciation about his/her spouse
Me: ________ My Spouse: ________