Four Rules of Communication

Ephesians 4:25-32

I. Falsehood vs. Truth “Be honest” – vs. 25

• We will not lie or be dishonest. Dishonesty includes:
  • Outright deceit and masked deception
  • Exaggeration (million times)
  • Sarcasm (voice says one thing, face another)
  • Failing to tell the whole truth; giving a false impression
  • Going to the wrong person with a problem so my version won’t be challenged
• We will speak the truth. Speaking the truth includes:
  • Sticking to the facts!
  • Not gossiping
  • Speaking with grace – no demeaning and condescending tones
  • The possibility that love will cover it as an opportunity to grow in love

II. Bitterness vs. Reconciliation “Keep current” – vv. 26-27

• We will not become bitter. Bitterness includes:
  • Delay in resolving differences
  • Refusing to deal with the issue
  • Clamming up when you are offended but still stewing over the offense in your mind
  • Cold responses to a person who disagrees with you
• We will resolve the issue as quickly as possible.

III. Unwholesome vs. Edifying words “Attack the problem, not the person” – vv. 29-30

• We will not use corrupt or unwholesome speech. Unwholesome speech includes:
  • Attacks and character assassinations (words like “always” or “never” or “just like....”)
  • Empty flattery
  • Catering to a person’s needs, when they think it’s what they need but the Bible teaches differently
  • Shifting blame
• We will build each other up. Edifying speech includes:
  • Understanding the other person’s opinion and considering it more important
  • Helping the other person understand themselves and their lives from God’s perspective
  • Guiding the other person to see how they’ve listened to lies of the world and lies of their desires
  • Centering on my personal responsibility
  • Expressing solution in terms of action

IV. Malicious vs. Gracious Talk “Act, don’t React” - vv. 31-32

• We will not be reactive in speech. Reactive speech includes:
  • Malicious words that show a desire to harm others or see them suffer.
  • Impulsive speech
  • Saying whatever it takes to express your views (selfish motivation)
  • Rage, wrath, anger, clamor, slander that injures or defames
  • Blame shifting
• We will speak graciously. Gracious, thoughtful speech includes:
  • Kind compassion that desires to help someone with legitimate needs
  • Forgiveness (as in Christ God forgave you)

*Dr. Jeffrey S. Forrey, Christian Communication, Journal of Biblical Counseling, Volume 16, 2.
Dr. Bob Smith, Faith Church, Lafayette, Indiana (Biblical Counselor Training Conference teaching)

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